'Season to Taste' Christianity

I've realized I use God as a seasoning in my life. I am the head Chef. I plan the main course and then sprinkle some Jesus to taste. Since I was a teenager I have been making decisions about the course of my life. I have decided what schools I would go to, the type of career I would have, the places I would live, the people I would date. I made many plans in my life, some very early in my life, without God. But it wasn't intentional, some of that's normalized. Rarely are we checking for God when we checking for bae, especially if we're not checking for marriage. No one expects you to seek God in what career path you'll follow. Just find whatever you're good at and do that right? Sure people tell you to pray about your success but not about what you'll be doing for/with the bulk of your life. You make that decision on your own while you're barely 17 and no one bats an eye.

God was in my plans but He wasn't my plan, especially not a 17. That theme continued throughout my life. As long a I had a plan of my own and I thought it would prosper, I rarely consulted God. Instead I did what I wanted to do and asked God to back me up. I was making prayers and declarations like: "I want to be the first African American to win an Oscar in editing. Let it happen God, in Jesus' name." or "I'm going to move to the other side of the country and Lord I need you to sustain and elevate me along the way. This I do pray. K, thanks." Am I the only one here? How many of us decide what we're going to do first and then ask God to bless it later?

I had hopes for these things and when my life began to move away from them I was so crushed. "Why? Why lawd? You said you knew the desires of my heart. Why won't you help me reach my dreams?"

*Sobs for months and months.*

All the while God is like "Bruh, did you ask me what I wanted for you? I made my plans for you way before you even got here? Did you seek me out for your purpose and calling? Nawl. You did what you wanted to do and now you mad cause it ain't happening. Your plans are not my plans. My will, will be done." Then the light bulb comes on and I'm like, "Dang! You right, you right."

That's actually a terribly frightening thought. Like how much time have I wasted trying to do what I want to do when God may have called me to something completely different? How much money have I squandered trying to force my dreams into fruition? If I would have took the time to seriously listen to God, would I have all this freaking student loan debt? The questions pile up and shadow over me like mountains.

This isn't just my story. The idea of controlling your own life, making your own decisions, fulfilling your destiny; that's the American Dream. We are taught to do for ourselves. Taught that we are the captains of our own ships. Some of that is true; you have to put in the work to make things happen. But as Christians we shouldn't be following the same script as the masses.

The only time we decide to go to God on these things is when our plans fall through and we feel lost. But if our plans are thriving, we don't think twice about whether or not this is God's path for us. Some of us even claim that because our plans are working out, they must have been sent and approved by the Lord. Eh. Maybe not.

How many of us actually pray, "Lord whatever you want me to do I will do" or "Have your way over my life" and really mean it?

Could you pray that prayer if it meant giving up your current plans?

I'm attempting to do this. To give up my plans and ask God to bless me with what He has for me. To pray that I be used for His good and His glory. And that's not because I'm so holy or sanctified. It's mostly because I got my butt whooped trying to do my own thing. Now I'm tired and confused enough to get out of the driver's seat let Jesus take the wheel.

I'm learning that this is not such a terrible thing though. In the past I have mourned for the plans I've lost. But what God has for me is greater than the plans I have for myself. If He could create and order this entire universe then He's more than able to order my life.